Our Exceedingly Great Reward

After spending quite some time contemplating how I would introduce the first guest writer on my blog I gave up.  A pillar in my life, she is an amazing woman of God who is always encouraging me, and selflessly serving others.  Please enjoy this beautiful piece by Priscilla Jahanian — who also happens to be my sister.   


I’m not pregnant this month.

I found out this morning.

I thought maybe this would be the month…the month I got to tell my family and our friends we were having a baby. In my mind I let myself do what I rarely let myself do —

I daydreamed.

I daydreamed how I would tell some of you the news.  The news we’ve been waiting to hear for over seven years.

“I’m PREGNANT!”

But that’s not the news I’m going to be sharing today.

One day I will.  And I will cry.  And shout for joy.  And have a heart so full I won’t even be able to handle it.

It will be a glorious, unforgettable day.

And maybe that’s you, waiting for that one glorious day.  For that one day when you’ll have a spouse, healing, employment…

When you’ll have what you’ve been waiting for — that one glorious day.

And today, then?  What about today?  Where does that leave you today?  Where does that leave me?

Because this is the day we’re living.

And where does that leave us tomorrow?  What if it’s years before I get to share my news?  What then?  What happens between our now and then?

I can tell you what it’s looked like at different points in this journey for me.

Sadness.  Victory.  Disappointment.  Joy.  Bitterness.  Strength.  Tears.  Silent crying.

That moment when you are crying so hard and so deep…

Your mouth is open and nothing is coming out and you. are. just. broken.

And you finally get it out…

“Why?  Why God?”

Haven’t I waited long enough?  Haven’t I been patient enough?  Haven’t I been faithful enough?  Haven’t I trusted in Your timing enough?  Haven’t I submitted enough to what You have for me?  Haven’t I believed enough?

But then something happens inside me.  Because my God is so good.  He doesn’t leave me there.  Ever.

Oh, He has planted His Word and Truth in my heart and I cannot deny Him. And I remember…

His goodness.

That He has already given me Everything because He has given me Himself.

And everything else in this life is just a blessing —

And not necessary.

Because the day He shed His blood for me and rescued me, He gave me…

Everything.

Before Abraham held Isaac in his arms, God gave him Everything.

Genesis 15:1 “…the word of the Lord came to Abram in a vision, saying, ‘Do not be afraid, Abram. I am your shield, your exceedingly great reward.’ ”

God promised Abraham Isaac, but Isaac was not Abraham’s exceedingly great reward,

God was.

What your waiting for is not God’s exceedingly great reward.

God is your Reward.

And so today when I found out I wasn’t pregnant, I was disappointed.  But mostly today, I am thankful.

I am thankful for God’s goodness.  I am thankful that He loves me.  I’m so imperfect.  So undeserving.  But I have an Exceedingly Great Reward.

An Awesome, Perfect, Just, and Mighty Great Reward.

And so do you.

And that’s the news I want to share today and every day.

Psalm 118:15-17 “The voice of rejoicing and salvation is in the tents of the righteous; The right hand of the Lord does valiantly.  The right hand of the Lord is exalted; The right hand of the Lord does valiantly.  I shall not die, but live, And declare the works of the Lord.”


PrisBio

Hi! My name is Priscilla Jahanian.  I live in Northern Virginia near Washington, DC with my husband of 10 years.  I had no idea this Arkansan-born, small town girl would ever live in a metro area!  Nor did I realize that I would be traveling internationally.  My husband and I are employed in the field of child welfare and are members of Capital Life Church in Arlington, VA.  We have had the privilege of participating in and leading various short-term mission trips, including several trips to West Africa.  I love the Lord, I love to laugh, and I love my family.  And if given a choice, this introvert would skip a party to have quality time and coffee with one or two close friends.


Why are we losing our kids?

There seems to be a running dialogue within conversations and articles recently addressing the subject of parents “losing their kids to the world” when they leave home.  While this discussion has been thrown on the table before, the growing number of statistics citing numbers as high as 75% of teens setting their Christian faith aside after graduation is enough to compel any parent do a double take.

I’ll be honest with you–for the last (almost) thirteen years of being a mother, there are nights I’ve lost sleep over this one.  A people watcher by nature, witnessing strong, godly parents struggle with a child who has made the decision to turn away from their faith can shake your confidence to the core.

I know what you’re thinking: We can’t parent in fear.  Oh, I’ve been there a time or two…okay, A LOT over the years and am in complete agreement with you.  I have also grown to understand that there comes a point when our children are responsible for themselves and will make their own choices completely independent of us.  I get that.

BUT…in the same way that physical death (say a funeral) has a way of prompting us to consider our mortality–giving perspective to our fleeting earthly life; spiritual death of someone can often bring similar reflection.  When I read the statistics and observe the deep sorrow that arises in the “loss” of a child, I feel the desire to reevaluate myself as parent on occasion.

Not doubt–biblical examination–the use of God’s Word (our road map) to make sure my parenting is lining up with scripture.  

2 Timothy 3:16-17 — “All Scripture is inspired by God and profitable for teaching, for reproof, for correction, for training in righteousness; so that the man of God may be adequate, equipped for every good work.”

So this:

2 Corinthians 13:5 — “Test yourselves to see if you are in the faith; examine yourselves! Or do you not recognize this about yourselves, that Jesus Christ is in you–unless indeed you fail the test?”

Ends up looking something like this in my mind:

“Test yourself as a parent, Krysta, see if you are in the faith; examine yourself as a parent!  Or do you not recognize this about yourself, that Christ Jesus is in the way you parent–unless indeed you fail the test?”

Often, I fall short.  It’s in those moments of realization that I am all the more thankful for God’s grace and mercy.  Do I think I’m a “bad” parent?  Absolutely not.

But when I consider the virtue–striving for “moral excellence“–that 2 Peter 1:5 instructs us to add to our faith in order to cultivate a true and living faith, I can’t help but think of the positive impact applying this same principle to my parenting will have.

Virtue within parenting means that we are always seeking to hone our skills and make changes if we need to–never settling with just getting by.  (Ouch!  My toes are really getting stomped on at this point.)

After many years of contemplating the question from every angle, I still don’t have an answer as to why so many Christian teens are leaving their faith.  With endless amounts of books and articles being published on the subject, it’s clear that no one does.  We live in a fallen world.

As I look into the eyes of my own sons and ponder their child-like faith, I imagine the day I will release each one of them into the world with these words…

“Be on the alert, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong.” 1 Corinthians 16:13

In that moment…that single step in which Will and I hand them back to God as He leads them into a life of service for Him, I pray that as parents we have lived and used His Word everyday of their lives to equip them in the best possible way.

For that is what God has asked of us.

May we as parents find perfection through Christ and may our imperfection be swallowed by God’s grace.  2 Corinthians 12:9-10 

 

Proverbs 22:6 "Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it."

Proverbs 22:6 “Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”

 

But am I enough?

(While fear is something all mothers face, this post is dedicated to the many wonderful homeschooling moms, some that I am blessed to know personally, and meant to address my experience with fear as a homeschooling mother in hopes of helping someone else struggling with the same issue.)

It was the fall of 2012.  Several weeks into our homeschool year, I found myself sitting cross-legged up in our attic.  The hot tears tracing a long path down my face emerged out of flashes of sheer anger towards an unknown offender, deep sorrow, and utter confusion as to where this new path was headed.

Sorting what seemed to be endless stacks of papers, priceless memories left undefined by ink raced unrepressed through my mind.  Grimacing, I experienced what it meant for the human heart to hurt; enduring an emotional pain that left me unable to catch my breath as I mentally tried wrap my thoughts around the question, “Why?”.

“Why God, am I so sick?  Why have I been brought to this place in my life?  Why must I do this?” 

Engulfed by boxes of worksheets, writing assignments, tests, drawings, crafts, and pictures; it was the image of a mother’s hands, my hands, diligently weaving Truth and a love only I could provide into the very hearts of my children that filled the emptiness of that hollow room.

I was in the process of being taught the most valuable lesson I have learned thus far as a homeschooling mother; a lesson that would drastically (and permanently) alter my perspective as a home educator.

Yes, Krysta, you are enough…

Many years ago, a lady asked me how long I’d been homeschooling and I explained to her that we were just starting. After glancing at the boys and curiously back at me she said, “Well, it seems to me as if you’ve been teaching from the time they were born.”  I realized there was a lot of truth in that statement.

As mothers, we are nurturers the day we are blessed with the arrival of a new baby.  Even from the time they are in the womb or simply a dream carried deep within us, we cherish a life we cannot yet hold and begin a relationship of love that is unconditional.  The greatest attention is given to shaping tiny hearts and guiding curious hands through an unfamiliar world.  We delight in our child’s innocence and laughter as they discover the beauty of a flower or experience the feel of water splashing through their fingers.

But somewhere in the beginning, tied up in our desire to “mother” properly, we begin to separate being the mom and the teacher.  This women, this nurturer, no longer exists as the same entity within our minds but two completely different beings.  Suddenly, the title of “mom” is not enough to educate and instruct.  As a homeschool parent, we begin to doubt our abilities and often find ourselves in a needless struggle to prove our competence to outsiders and please an often insatiable critic…

Ourselves.

Shouldering a pack full of impractical expectations and unrealistic goals that were formulated in an attempt to smother doubt and alleged inadequacies, we step out onto an invisible battlefield.  Rooted somewhere within our minds, an unseen war is begun where we will never stand victorious.

We will lose.  Our children will lose.

As we trace each lie back to its origin, they hinge on one word–one solitary word that stands to rob us from obtaining the infinite blessings of homeschooling our children:

FEAR.

FEAR makes us disregard our purpose for homeschooling in the first place.

FEAR wears us out as we desperately try and mirror another homeschool family, instead of trusting God to show us the design He desires for our own.

FEAR drives us to take on too much within our classes so we don’t “miss” anything, causing everyone to become overwhelmed and burned out.

FEAR compels us compare our children to others.

FEAR finds us concerned about how people might perceive us.

FEAR lures us to give heed to Satan’s whispers of, “You’re ruining your kids.”

FEAR says, “It’s just not enough” until we believe the lie and throw in the towel.

Fear is paralyzing — rendering our homes unproductive.

Fear is NOT from God!

2 Timothy 1:7 – “For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.”

Choosing to safely tuck away a painful memory, I sometimes allow myself to crawl back up those attic stairs and reflect on the day I realized I was homeschooling my children from a place of fear.

Swallowed so deeply by that unforgiving monster, I had traded in prayerful direction for the ugly lie that I was incapable of providing my kids with what they needed.  Compensating with ridiculous standards, my tainted view eventually transformed “success” solely into what could be seen and impossible perfection.  In short, I had created a situation where I was incapable!

Anytime fear is given a voice in the choices we make, there will always be toxic consequences that bleed into every facet of our home. 

Unhappiness.

Being saturated in a daily, self-inflicted stress, I eventually ceased finding joy in homeschooling.  The normal conflict that occurs as a child is trained to stay on task and complete their work cheerfully became a sign that I was failing.  Instead of working through those times and seeing them as an opportunity to produce lasting growth, I stood overwhelmed and consumed by a constant feeling of inadequacy.

In truth, my spiritual body was riddled with parasitic fear long before my physical body began to struggle with illness.  Our homeschool was in a tailspin–we were on course to crash and burn!

I may never fully understand the “whys” of sickness, “whys” of being brought to a crossroads, and “whys” of having to send my children to public school but those unanswered questions no longer matter…

I praise my God, my Refiner, for His purifying fire!  For it was through difficult trials–a road I would never have chosen to travel–that I was finally set free from fear!

1 Peter 1:6-7 – “In this you greatly rejoice, even though now for a little while, if necessary, you have been distressed by various trials, so that the proof of your faith, being more precious than gold which is perishable, even though tested by fire, may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ.”

As Christians, we readily acknowledge that we will undergo hardships, obstacles, sadness, growing pains, uncertainty, and at times complacency.  While each of these things may present a variety of challenges, we recognize they also serve as a means of cementing our reliance on God and an increase in spiritual maturity.

James 1:2-4 – “Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance.  And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”

What I have learned is that homeschooling is much the same.

We will endure rough spots, high walls that appear to be impassable, frustrations, low points, muddled priorities, and in moments, the temptation to cry out in defeat.  Yet full reliance on God, replacing fear (lies) with complete Trust in Him, will carry us through those tribulations.  On the other side, we will emerge strengthened and refreshed in Him as through our weakness, He is able to accelerate spiritual growth within us.

We will be victorious.  Our children will be victorious.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10 – “But He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me.  For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” 

May we as homeschooling mothers embrace that as God’s intricate handiwork, we were situated carefully within His design–our homes–for a supreme purpose.  That special place crafted for us is lovingly called, “Mom”.  God has provided moms with His Word and a Spirit that intercedes, to equip them in all tasks.  He created “Mom” to be enough.

You are enough! 

Psalm 107:1  "Give thanks to the LORD, for He is good! His faithful love endures forever."

Psalm 107:1 “Give thanks to the LORD, for He is good! His faithful love endures forever.”

[If you find yourself struggling as a homeschool mother (and we all will), prayerfully assessing your decisions for curriculum, schedules, extracurricular activities, and goals is a wonderful way to weed out problems.  In practicing this, I often discover I am forcing a piece that doesn’t fit our family in that particular season.  While homeschooling is not always easy, the blessings that flow from implementing God’s superior framework for our homes instead of our own are priceless!]

 

 

Why does it matter?

“The first thing I’m going to do when I go to college is buy lots of powdered donuts and eat them all!” my eight-year old longingly proclaimed after passing a bin packed full of the enticing pastries in Wal-Mart.

In light of the recent dietary changes our family made earlier this year, I’ve heard many of these comments from my kids detailing their candy and dessert fantasies.  And who could blame them?  From the moment their chompers were able to handle solids, they had been fed a steady supply of simple carbohydrates, sugar, and preservatives.

Of course I more than anyone understood my son’s inner turmoil.  Tis the season of Peeps and Cadbury Creme Eggs after all, and for a recovering sugar-aholic, those brightly colored jelly beans and solid chocolate Easter Bunnies beckon me from aisles away.

What can I say?  Junk food is addictive and those tasty temptations lurk everywhere.

Culturally, food is at the hub of our holidays, sporting events, parties, and get-togethers.  In any social gathering, food usually plays a vital part of their organization.  By mere appearance, taste, and presence, food has the ability to repeatedly draw crowds of people unlike any other substance.  So much is it woven into our Western world that unless there is lack of access to its consumption, we generally don’t contemplate its availability.

Food is just…there.

As a society we are blessed to have food readily obtainable to us.  Stores boasting an endless array of packaged goods and the ease of restaurants are absolute game changers for our hurried lives.  For me, these components represented simplicity.

Nothing saves a drowning mother during the difficult and fast-paced seasons of life like an effortless meal. 

The fact is I have been investigating the effects of food on our bodies for years after repeatedly struggling with illness.  Even in discovering undeniable truths, I have constantly wrestled with myself to make changes in our home that fully reflect those convictions.  Why?  Because reformation often means inconvenience and frankly, the idea of completely overhauling my children’s diets was downright frightening.

With my resume already boasting several failed attempts at a seemingly impossible feat, something remarkable happened last fall…

I remembered that I was their mother.

While the kids may have persistently desired frozen pizzas, Doritos, Little Debbie’s on demand, and unlimited access to their Halloween candy…

As a parent, I could tell them no.

Starting in October of 2013, Will and I began prepping the boys for “the day” there would be a radical reform in how we ate and on January 3rd, 2014, our mission commenced.  Like the Grinch (after taking away their corn dogs and Cheetos, I most certainly was in their eyes) on Christmas Eve down in Whoville, I cleaned out our entire stockpile of processed foods and replaced it with well, REAL food.  And then…

We sat our kids down and gave them a much deserved apology.

  • Our children were chemically dependent upon the very foods we were eliminating and raging against any modification of that diet.  It was not their fault.  It was ours as their parents.
  • Children in general are continually rewarded with sugar-laden sweets.  It is not their fault.  It is ours as adults, teachers, and caregivers accountable for their distribution.
  • Marketers constantly target our children with alluring snacks.  It is not their fault.  It is ours for not waging an all-out war on those companies responsible…

 And the fault of parents like us who “forget” we ARE in fact the parents; purchasing unhealthy food without thinking twice about how the ingredients are affecting our children or being fully aware but convinced it would be too difficult to make and maintain drastic diet modifications

For our household, the entire process was undeniably scary. 

There was unrepressed anger and tears of frustration; mood swings, breakdowns, confusion and at some points, refusal to eat what was set on the table leading to hungry tummies.  But even through extreme preliminary protests from the natives, Will and I had the authority to determine what was allowed in our cabinets and refrigerator regardless of the outcries and we stuck to our guns.  Playing the trump card was not a matter of dictatorship but recognition that we as parents knew what was most beneficial for their well-being.

Why does it matter?

From our personal observations, it was clear that all five of our children were affected by preservatives and dyes.   Ingesting those substances on a regular basis lead to a vicious cycle of lack of concentration, inability to focus on instructions, and avoidable discipline issues.  Sugar is a known immune suppressant, prohibiting the body’s capacity to fight off potential viruses and heal.  Because our fourth son was labeled as having asthma and allergy issues, which are both linked closely to poor eating, we knew an anti-inflammatory diet was key.

That also meant the elimination of milk-derived products.  While they are pushed as a means of calcium consumption, studies show roughly 75% of the world’s population is lactose intolerant and there are better bone-building alternatives. For our youngest suffering from chronic diarrhea and ear infections, avoidance of milk-based foods was a necessity.

After our oldest son had spent twelve years battling severe acid reflux, which often included several episodes a month of vomiting in the middle of the night and endless bottles of Tums, we wanted solutions that didn’t include a pill.

What was our biggest motivation surrounding all of these things?  I knew from personal experience that struggling with not “feeling good” made it difficult to serve the Lord to the best of my ability.  Not only that but when it was within my control to make the necessary changes and I recognized the need; choosing not to do so was an act of rebellion.

We were basically impeding our children’s potential (as well as our own), to serve God at their best now and formulating an unhealthy lifestyle that would continue to potentially hinder that ability later on.  As parents, Will and I were failing our kids and ourselves miserably in this department.

It was past time for our children’s two strongest advocates to get their act together, making healthy food choices on their sons’ behalves not just for them but for our own well-being.    

Being the one in charge of meal planning, grocery shopping, and food preparation, I was mindful that coupled with Will’s unwavering support, the success of our mission largely rested on my shoulders.  I created a plan:

     1)  Educate my children on the what, why, and how aspects of health.  When powdered donuts come calling, being able to reflect on the knowledge as to what something contains, why it is not good for them, and how it affects their body both short and long-term is a crucial tool to have.  While the boys may not fully comprehend all of the information now, I pray what they are learning helps them make better choices on their own down the road.

It is important to Will and me that they learn not to eat for immediate gratification but for life, cultivating a self-discipline that filters into all areas.

     2)  Get the kids involved in meal planning.  Allowing them to help me choose menu items was crucial in giving them a sense of control amid extreme dietary modifications.  The boys are much more willing to eat items from their preplanned menus.    

     3)  Get creative and work as a team to learn how to cook food a healthier way.  Kids are also more likely to eat what they have spent time making.  With the kitchen as our new science lab, we spent several weeks experimenting with gluten-free and dairy-free recipes, low-sugar snacks, and revamping previous recipes to reflect a healthier end product.  We have lots of flops but each disappointment has been a step closer to successful results.

    4)  Continue researchingI never thought I would credit blogs and Pinterest as assets on this journey but both have been invaluable resources for studies and recipes.

    5)  Remember to be patient and understanding.  Just because I put green leaves in front of my kids doesn’t mean they are automatically going to eat them.  Persistently offering new foods and encouraging them to try each one was (and is) my goal.  After years of conditioning the boys to eat a certain way, reconditioning them isn’t going to happen overnight.  I have found that as long as they are not allowed the opportunity to consume unhealthy fare, they eventually give other menu items a chance, discovering that they actually enjoy a wide variety of foods.

    6)  Make small, gradual changes so that they remain permanent.  While the initial kick-off meant a complete “doing away” with many of our main meal sources, the slow decrease of sugars and addition of new ingredients in our recipes helped them adjust to the taste.  As their pallets became accustomed to different flavors, altering the sugar and salt content was much less noticeable.  They are considerably much more adventurous now after retraining their taste buds to recognize the flavors of REAL food.

    7)  Stand firm.  While we still allow our family to have treats on occasion, we participate in public functions involving food sometimes as much as three or four times a week.  It is crucial that we either bring our own meals or make sure we have the option of selecting healthy alternatives.  Will and I are aware and sympathetic to the fact that it is not easy for our kids to watch others eat things they can only have in moderation (if at all).  However, if we always allowed them unsuitable foods during those functions, it would be completely counterproductive and unfruitful towards our goals.

    8)  Enlist the help of a few pros.  I picked the brain of my sister-in-law who suffers from celiac disease, other family members, and friends who have made difficult food adjustments with great success.  The bottom line to their advice?  Hang in there and persevere…it will eventually get easier.

And it has! 

It has been exactly 101 days since we successfully switched our family to a whole food diet (more about the specifics another day).  Has it made a difference?

     —  Within one week of eliminating dairy, our youngest son returned to normal stools and after suffering repeated ear infections every few weeks, has had only one at the start of our new eating regimen.

     —  Our child with asthma and allergies has not needed a breathing treatment or medication of any kind.

     —  Our twelve year old has not taken a single Tums, thrown-up once or shown the slightest symptoms of acid reflux.

     —  The biggest transformation has been seen in behavior.  I was reminded last weekend why processed sugar, dyes, and preservatives should be avoided at all costs when I saw the results of allowing some of our sons to have Skittles and fruit snacks .  They act in the same way that a drug does on the body and bring undesirable behaviors.  I don’t need a study or research to clearly see the effects of those ingredients on children (or myself for that matter).  I’ve witnessed it with my own eyes!

     —  Dad and mom have reaped the benefits, too; digestive issues have been resolved, energy has been restored, brain power boosted, and migraines virtually gone.

So “Why does it matter?  We all have to die of something, don’t we?  I know very healthy people that still suffered from cancer, heart problems, and other diseases.”

As a mom who has fought chronic fatigue, depression, hormone imbalance, thyroid issues, adrenal fatigue, and an anxiety disorder at some point in the past decade, I can honestly say without a shadow of a doubt that being conscience of what I eat has produced far more positive results than any pill I have ever been prescribed.  I may still struggle with illness in the future but knowing I am doing everything in my power to gain optimum health so I can enjoy my life and family; having the energy to invest in serving the Lord to the best of my ability, has made it worth the extra planning and hours in the kitchen.

There is no question that a mother covets happy and healthy children but even in desiring those things and possessing the knowledge, it has taken me roughly eight years to arrive at this crossroads.

     1)  There was a season of depression in my life and the very foods contributing to a greater portion of that unhappiness were also a comfort.  Breaking the cycle takes great courage.  Be courageous, Krysta.  Joshua 1:9

     2)  In my sickness, fighting to gain the motivation to implement dietary changes with the ability to bring about wellness and whole body healing seemed impossible.  Rise up and set your eyes on Christ, Krysta.  Luke 9:23, 2 Corinthians 12:9-10, Proverbs 3:5-6

     3)  I was “cleaning” out my house but not refilling it with the needed tools to sustain a healthy home nor was I keeping in mind that physical battles are often connected to spiritual ones.  Equip yourself, Krysta.  Luke 11:17-26Ephesians 6:11-18  

     4)  Family unity was lacking on this quest.  We are fortified in oneness, becoming more effective in reaching a common goal.  Cultivate unity, Krysta.  Mark 3:25, Ecclesiastes 4:9-12, Proverbs 27:17    

     5)  Where would I find time?  Show me where, Lord, there is another second for me to spare in the chaos of our lives?  All you need to do is ask, Krysta.  1 John 3:22, 1 John 5:14  

Every day I must prayerfully determine what’s important to me, knowing I will purpose and make time for what I believe matters. 

This is my family’s story: our personal convictions and road we were called to walk upon.

While we still have a lot of learning to do and there are rough spots that prove problematic (unhealthy food is everywhere and will always be a temptation), I am so proud of the discipline my boys have shown through this journey over the past several months.  They have taught me that if a child has the willpower and inner strength to push through uncomfortable situations, then I as an adult should strive harder to possess the knowledge, understanding, and wisdom to practice self-denial in all areas of my life.  (And anyone who can inspire their mother to give up her once life-giving coffee is most definitely a hero.)

There is an abundance of information out there available to us and sifting through it can be overwhelming.  (I am working on adding more recipes, personal testimonies on specific topics, and helpful information as I develop my blog.  I will be happy to help answer any questions you may have.  There are also orange, highlighted links throughout this post where you can click and read material on different subjects.)  Please don’t be discouraged!

If you have been considering making dietary adjustments in your family, I encourage you to move forward with confidence in small ways.  Seek out a like-minded individual who already maintains a healthy lifestyle to help get you started, an adventurous friend to muddle through the unknown with you, or simply choose one thing to change today and stick with it.  When you prayerfully stay the course no matter how difficult in the beginning, experiencing the results will urge you to work even harder towards a healthier family.

It does matter.

Up until recently, this was the fate of any nutrient-rich food that landed on a plate. We are learning that while carrots and such are fun to play with, they are actually edible as well.

The unattainable mom

She walks past smiling, hair swept up beautifully and make-up done to perfection, looking elegant in her stylish outfit; not even a hint of stains on her clothes or dirt underneath her manicured fingernails.  Close behind quietly marches several beautiful children, clean faces and tucked in shirts.  Something deep inside of us stirs…

If only…

If only we could be more like her.

Before the thought even has a chance to complete its course, Satan is putting the finishing touches on a long list of all of our shortcomings as a mother and is enjoying the opportunity to slowly point each one out to us.

We listen. 

Willingly, we take ownership of every accusation, every charge, every lie…

Guilt.

Since the arrival of our first child we have worked endlessly to be that mom; the one with the perfect marriage, who never finds herself swallowed in sadness or struggles to be joyful at times.  The one with unwavering patience, whose voice quietly speaks peace, never disciplining in anger.  The one whose children are always obedient.  The one who cooks perfect meals for her family gathered around the table, whose home is always clean and organized.  The one who effortlessly makes the right decisions, who has never sat in the bathroom floor crying in defeat.  The one who doesn’t understand what it means to feel lonely, being overwhelmed and unable to catch her breath.  The one who has it all together…

The one that doesn’t exist…

She is an imposter.

Created from our perception of other mothers, by the visual comparisons of what we see (or think we see), out of our desire for flawlessness; we fashion the unattainable mom and set ourselves up for failure.

“But you just seem like you always have it together.”

Well, I don’t.

I am a real mom.

A real mom who has struggled to make herself get out of bed, even with the happy voices of her babies waiting excitedly for her in the background.

A real mom who makes parenting mistakes daily and finds herself repeatedly apologizing to her children; a mom that has spent hours of her time agonizing over whether or not she’s “ruining her kids.”

I am a real mom who has grappled with post-partum depression, anxiety attacks, fear, and illness; a mom so desperate to “be better” for her family that she tried everything just to be that mom.

But I cannot ever be that mom because I am a real mom…

A real mom who has been broken, tears streaming down her face as she tried to figure out how she would survive the day and bring order to a house of chaos.

I am a real mom who has yelled, wanted to quit, and locked myself in a room until I could gain composure.

I am a real mom whose children have seen her cry, who hasn’t always smiled at just the right second, or taken the time slow down and just enjoy the moment.

A real mom who has experienced being overwhelmed, feeling alone, and afraid; a mom who has been a scrambled mess and unable to see which way is up.

I am a real mom whose biggest critic and enemy can be herself, who is sometimes scared of letting others see me being…

Real.

That other mom…she just does not exist.

I am a real mom and just like you, the perfect mom

The perfect mom God handpicked to raise our children–His children, here on earth.

The perfect mom called to help guide our kid’s hearts down the path God desires them to set foot upon in this life.

The perfect mom whose apologies teach humility and forgiveness, whose flaws reflect our deep need for Christ.

A perfect mom whose prayerful tears show Who it is we lean upon during difficult times, demonstrating perseverance through trials.

perfect mom that portrays what it means to be authentic; instructing them how to use their own hardships to become compassionate and understanding.

The perfect mom who by her example leaves no doubt in the minds of her children that they are never alone sheltered in the arms of their Creator.

He chose the perfect mom…

A mom who is made perfect in Christ.

May we always seek to grow and flourish in the role God purposed each of us for and not desire to be the unattainable mom.  As mothers, may we strive to be real with one another, continually sharing Truth and destroying Satan’s hold on our minds that we are isolated on our quest as the perfect mom.

Psalm 119:105 "Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path."

Psalm 119:105 “Thy word is a lamp unto my feet, and a light unto my path.”

 

The power of encouragement

When I became ill in 2012 after the birth of our fifth son, and we decided to have our children attend public school for a year; all of their educators were an answered prayer during that difficult time. Yesterday I had the blessing of running into one of Drew’s third grade teachers. Within a minute of speaking to her, it was easy to see why my son had flourished under her instruction:

She is an encourager.

Whether by nature or discipline, encouragers have a way of bringing out the best in everyone they encounter and motivating them to achieve…

Greatness; awesomeness; desire to (sometimes unknowingly) fulfill the role God designed them for.

As I pondered my conversation with Drew’s teacher, I was astonished by the way she took a simple discussion of, “How are you feeling?  How is the family?” and turned it into an opportunity to build me up in less than ten minutes!  There I was exhausted; my brain packed with concerns over things I hadn’t accomplished yet she was able to calm my agitated spirit, leaving me with renewed strength to recollect myself.

Being a parent, positive reinforcement and praise are a big part of raising our children; and who wouldn’t desire to uplift a family member or friend dealing with hardships?

But do I strive to consciously use my words to encourage others at every opportunity; particularly when there doesn’t seem to be an obvious reason to do so?

My son’s teacher had no idea how difficult my day had been; I made sure to don my “I’ve got it all together” face before I left the house.  From appearance alone, I looked to be cruising along without a hitch.

Her encouragement came not through visually seeing my anxiety but because she understands the importance of continually lifting others up above herself. 

Using the Word of God and biblical principles He set in motion, the Lord gave all of us the ability to influence others in positive, life-changing ways.  What a powerful character trait to carry throughout our time here on earth!

Why would I not want to invest energy in strengthening such a wonderful tool in myself?  Why wasn’t I?  Sure, some individuals are natural encouragers but after some serious self-examination, it was clear to me that I had chosen to accept whatever capabilities I employed to build another person up as being just “good enough.”  I mean, painting a silver lining for a friend can be effortless when we recognize the need but what about emboldening others…just because?

And what about encouraging those I am at odds with?

Ouch.

I had arrived at a sore spot.  Journeying through this life, it is nearly impossible to not find ourselves in disagreement with someone.  Whether it be family or friends; a co-worker or classmate; even a fellow brother or sister in Christ, we will not see eye to eye in every circumstance that arises.

“Therefore encourage one another and build up one another, just as you also are doing.” 1 Thessalonians 5:11 NASB

“Above all, keep fervent in your love for one another, because love covers a multitude of sins. Be hospitable to one another without complaint. As each one has received a special gift, employ it in serving one another as good stewards of the manifold grace of God.” 1 Peter 4:8-10 NASB

As I thought about the implication of these verses, it was clear that neither Paul nor Peter indicated I should only “encourage those I agree with”; they meant EVERYONE.  Period.  With Drew’s teacher (and apparently now mine as well) fresh in my thoughts, it was easier for me to recognize why God desires us to continually build others up:

Encouragement changes how the giver and receiver views themselves and others. 

Encouragement emphasizes the best in both parties; softening our often strict criticism and harsh perspectives of one another we may unfairly hold onto.  Encouragement is expressing love to an individual despite what we ascertain as their flaws and serves to remind ourselves of our own shortcomings.  When we encourage a person whose viewpoints don’t coincide with ours, it is much easier to see where there is beautiful harmony between us in Christ.

When I make a choice to inspire and bolster the confidence of someone else, it allows us both to attain spiritual growth.

Lesson learned.  May I work more diligently to not just uplift and praise the obvious; the uncomplicated but be challenged to intentionally insert words of encouragement into every conversation…especially those where I struggle to find peace.

butterfly